Monday, May 25, 2009

Sometimes I wonder, why do girls are bored to be sensitive? Are they all like that, or its just me?
Girl most fear part is losing someone she loves. I have lost 1 in my life and now I didn't want to lose another.

This entry is only for my baby.

Let's talk about me. I've lost someone I love deeply, which is my dad whom dearly loves me alot. Hence thinking, having a boyf could compensate what she has lost. My expectations of a boyf are quite simple. Just love me deeply and truthful.

These past 2 days, I have done something bad. I've made my boyf feels I don't trust him. Firstly I would like to say 'Baby I'm deeply sorry'. I have no idea whether my baby has forgive me.
I have lost trust from the beginning of my r/s, not with him but my first date.
I know I shouldn't treat everyone like that, not trusting them. I know I'm being unfair to my baby.

Baby, I'm deeply sorry about all these troubles. As I've said to you, you haven been pester me to change my attitude but I'm always the one. I've really thought over these that I've been really bad towards you. I don't know how sorry I'm really am.
I try my very best not to be so sensitive. I know u're very truthful to me, I know you wont do anything bad behind my back. I know, just that I don't know y I still keep reacting this way.

There's this sentences saying 'once a rubber band tie too tightly, it may break'. I totally understand. I know you have been tolerating me for long. I know I've been so ignorance and stubborn. But all I could say that I really love u alot. Alot more than I expected.
I know crying in front of you makes u feel so irritated/angry. But sometimes I can't help it.
I didn't know this can affect my emotions at work too. After our quarrel, I wasn't in right mind working. I've made many mistakes that day.(but not up to the extend in killing anyone.. YET.)

Thou sometimes I love bringing up the past which u hated alot. I'm sorry. I believe in you. I support u in any ways. I try my best to make you happy. Do my very best to let you smile. But seems that in the end, it turn out a disaster. All because of my bloody emotion.

I know, I believe you have clearly draw ur line well with ur past. I should think of that before everything starts. I'm just so afraid, unwillingly to lose anyone again. Not anymore. Esp with you. Esp I'm with you, the love grows so deep, that I can't stop it. I really don't know why. I tried to laid back but it seems not to be working.

I know you've change alot. I can see you have been trying your best and I still expect much from you.
I don't want us to be have cold war, don't want us to be further apart from each other after this incident.

All I can say is I'm sorry. I love u very much baby.